How do our current patterns compare to the patterns that are in service to what really matters to us? And how do we notice our patterns?

We are constantly following patterns.

Our route to work, our morning routine, how we eat our meals. They are all patterns and likely parts of wider patterns. 

For example, how we interact with people. All our interactions with others likely have some pattern to them. How do you tend to interact with new people? What do you ask? What is different depending on the context? How do you end these interactions? 

How, when and where you seek these interactions out are all patterns. 

If you step back, what are the patterns of your life so far? 

How is your answer a product of your current patterns? 

What would you like the pattern of your life to be?  

How do our patterns serve us? 

Patterns make up the web of our life. From thought patterns, to behaviour patterns, to habits and routines that are shaped by all these other patterns.

Even this blog has a pattern (which is often lots of questions and a few paragraphs) and the writing of this blog (once a week, by Friday, often not when planned, and often closer to Friday than I’d like), which is part of a wider pattern (prioritising other things that come up over this blog).

Patterns to me are the product of responses we have learnt. Even our routines, however intentional, are the response to a want or need. For example my morning writing pattern came from wanting to write a book and to find a way to consistently write in service of making that book. 

The question is, how do our patterns serve what really matters to us? 

Before answering that we need to be able to spot our patterns and have a sense of what matters to us.

How do I even know what my patterns are? 

How do we become aware of what we’re not aware of? 

Patterns are everywhere and we cannot be aware of all of them (that’s why we have patterns, so we’re not thinking about every single thing in every single moment). 

However, we can tune ourselves to notice our patterns so that we can choose how we want to relate to them.

A few starters: 

Where do you notice your mind wandering? What thoughts do you turn to? 

How do you typically start and finish things? 

At the end of your day list the things you felt really conscious doing. What were the things you felt present to and not on autopilot? The autopilot is likely a pattern. 

Change up your routines, even slightly. Do one thing differently a day. It could be the order in which you do things in the morning like shower and have breakfast. What patterns does it throw up? 

Regularly ask yourself ‘what patterns am I noticing?’ Journal about it. Put it on a sticky note or phone background. Notice how quickly you ignore the sticky note or background as a reminder that new patterns can take time and conscious effort to embed.

Remember, we’re tuning ourselves to notice. There will always be patterns but the more practised we are in noticing the easier it will be to notice those patterns showing up so we can choose how to act.

What really matters to us?

This blog has explored what matters to us before and how we may see that in what we take for granted, in the context of patterns a way of thinking about this could be:

If the patterns you have were really working for you, what would be happening for you?

How would you be feeling? 

What would it enable for you? 

What qualities would you be experiencing? 

What makes these things important to you?

What makes that thing important?

And what makes that important? 

What do these answers tell you about what you really want and what really matters to you? 

How do our patterns serve what really matters to us? 

We adopt patterns for a reason, in some way they have served us. They have given us a sense of safety, of belonging, of worth. 

While they have served us they may not be in the best service of us.

For example, I have had an avoidance pattern when it comes to sharing my work. It has kept me safe. Safe from the vulnerability of not knowing what people’s response may be, safe from the risk of not belonging.

Equally now it feels limiting, it limits my sense of belonging in myself, and my sense of personal fulfilment. 

In these cases it becomes a question of what would be a better pattern for creating what really matters to us? 

How do we create new patterns? 

What if the most important pattern to create is pattern spotting? 

Being aware of patterns allows us to choose how we act in the moment. 

Each time we spot the pattern and then consciously consider what next we are loosening a pattern and strengthening our pattern spotting pattern.

We can create patterns to facilitate the pattern spotting, such as conscious, regular reflection points, daily, weekly, monthly. 

Even regularly asking ourselves ‘what am I noticing?’ tunes us into pattern spotting. 

Naming a pattern can also make it easier to spot. Equally there is a balance to avoid naming becoming a new pattern. To name it is to facilitate our response. Naming it for the sake of naming it is less useful. Only naming ‘this house is on fire’ is likely of little value. 

Of course there are also new patterns we want to create that will better support us. In this case, how will you know that pattern is serving what matters to you? What does that mean the pattern needs to be? What is the smallest thing that would plant the seed of this pattern? What does this pattern need to grow and establish itself? 

And how will you check-in and stay aware of the new pattern you are seeking to create? 

In sum:

What will help you to practice pattern spotting? 

What are the patterns that are most in service of what really matters to you?

What are the patterns that are least in service of what really matters to you?

What pattern would support you to have and to be more of what really matters to you?

What world could we create if we were all more aware of our patterns and able to consciously choose what next?