What am I ignoring because to acknowledge it means I will need to change something? And what does that say about how I navigate and create change?
What is the thing that, really, you already know but that you are avoiding being confirmed?
What is it you know?
What does that tell you about the thing? What does that tell you about you?
If knowledge is power, what is the power you are currently denying yourself?
These are all thoughts that stemmed from stumbling across a burnout assessment questionnaire in some reading I was doing. Whenever I stumble across a questionnaire that promises some sense of self-assessment against a trait or traits I almost always cave into my curiosity and take the test (regardless of its robustness).
This time it was different.
While I don’t think I have burnout I definitely sensed the results would tell me what I already know. Namely, they would highlight that while not burnt out I am definitely pushing some limits in a way that, if continued, would be unsustainable.
And so I didn’t take the test.
Why?
Because I risked having an objective, external indicator that I needed to change something, something I really already know.
I would need to change my plans, short-term and longer-term. I would need to change my expectations of me. I’d probably need to change how I treat myself, most likely with greater kindness and acceptance of being a human being.
The latter in particular sounds like a positive, and still I am choosing not to confront what I really know.
What does that say about change?
What are the things in your life that would tell you or may already be telling you that a change is needed?
And how are you responding to them?
What does that tell you about the potential change?
Or inspired by Jung, what are we resisting?
What is the impact of what we are resisting?
What is really behind that resistance?
For example in the changes I listed that I am likely resisting, what underlies that resistance is likely habits and beliefs formed over decades that make it hard for me to say ‘no’,and a fear of scarcity that makes it hard to be strategic and measured in how much I commit to and how often.
However, there will likely come a time when the reality we’re avoiding will show up.
As Jung actually famously said:
‘What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.’
What will the thing you are resisting be if you keep resisting it?
Put another way, in Time to Think, Nancy Kline asks: ‘what do you already know that you will find out in a year?’
In persisting with our resistance or denial what would we lose out on over that year?
What is the perspective we need to step back and choose an alternative approach?
When we resist or ignore something, the thing is never normally the thing we’re resisting, rather it is the change it asks of us. Or as Viktor Frankl put it what are we not taking responsibility for in our resistance, when he wrote:
‘In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.’
So in choosing to accept and take responsibility for what we know and will be made clear in a year’s time, what else will we create?
In my example, not only will I likely feel better, less tired and more energised, I’ll be developing practices that enable better balance in my life and work, which will no doubt improve my quality of life. I’ll develop better boundaries and foresight to consider what I really want and need and so what to say ‘yes’ and ‘no’ to.
Again all of this sounds like a no brainer.
While that may be the case it also highlights that change is not always smooth, it can be difficult and even if good for us we can resist it.
At some point the patterns that need to change have and probably still are tending to something. They are serving us in some way. The challenge is they are now getting in the way more than they are serving me. Taking responsibility can be difficult. In fact not taking responsibility may have been one of those patterns that has served us in some way.
A little like a favourite outfit we have outgrown, how do we acknowledge their service with gratitude and gently put them to one side for something that better fits us now?
So what is the thing you already know now that you will find out in a week, a month, or a year?
What is stopping you acting on that knowledge now? What is the resistance about?
And if you let go of that resistance, what will become possible now in taking responsibility for that thing?
What does that mean you need to do?
What is the compassion you need to allow yourself to take responsibility for the change you are resisting?
What world would we create if we all took responsibility for what we already know, before we find it out?
What is the self-compassion we would develop in taking that responsibility and honouring that is no easy thing?
References
Nancy Kline, Time to Think
Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
