What are the rules we hold ourselves to, where did they come from and how are they serving us now?
When you hear the word rules what do you think?
‘Unfun’, ‘restrictive’ and ‘being a boring rule follower’ come to mind, even if I often find myself following rules!
Then the ideas of rulers, both the straight lines and the historical rulers that ruled over people, the ones who literally dictated the rules people had to follow.
Then there are the rules that govern life, the rules of Science, which this sentence probably already reveals how little I know about them, other than that without them I’d be a floating, formless blob in the solar system (or something like that).
Then there are the rules that dictate games, including the game of life.
While initial associations were negative, rules seem to be more than what we cannot do, they are more than constraints. Rules define what the parameters are for something, what we say ‘yes’ to and what we say ‘no’ to.
In reality we cannot live without rules (in fact, rules are essential for example without them we don’t have language).
In an interview, the mythologist Joseph Campbell describes rules as follows:
‘You go to work and study an art. You study the techniques, you study all the rules, and the rules are put upon you by a teacher. Then there comes a time of using the rules, not being used by them.’
If rules are here regardless of whether we like them or not, when it comes to our lives, what are the rules that shape how we live? And how aware are we of these rules?
To what extent are we using the rules or used by the rules?
What is our relationship to rules?
As Campbell mentioned, we have to recognise and know rules to harness them for us rather than be ruled by them.
What are the rules you follow? What makes you follow them?
How do they serve you?
What is their impact?
Where did they come from?
How aware are we of these rules day to day?
What if our relationship to rules depends on how aware we are of them.
For example, we may follow a rule to help us fit in or because we think we have to. And how are we setting unwritten rules by how we are? How do these rules fit with what we’re saying?
‘Do as I say not as I do’ is a well known phrase which is pertinent when thinking about rules. What are the rules we follow compared to the ones we want to follow or others to?
For example, I remember when managing people, I wanted them to feel able to work flexibly and not work beyond their contracted hours, yet I now realise I would regularly make myself work inflexible hours and for longer than expected.
What is the result we want from following a rule?
Ultimately, in theory, all rules exist for a reason that leads to a result.
How clear are we on the result we’re following the rule for? And how rigid are we to following rules when they’re no longer producing the result?
What is the reason behind the rules you follow? What is the result you’re hoping to see?
Realising and reviewing rules
And if we’re expecting results from rules, not only is there a question of how aware of rules are we and how reliable are these rules in producing the results we want but the question of how often do we review these rules and their results?
We can adopt rules that help us thrive in a certain environment that don’t in another. One striking example for me is how differently I lived during the pandemic lockdown compared to before and after. Obviously there were imposed rules but the rules I lived by had to change because so much of my environment had changed, for example when I exercised and how had to change.
What do we need to review rules to see how far they are serving us?
Reforming rules
Some rules evolve, if we think of laws or even language, things are adapted or added over time as exceptions arise and decisions are made on how to accommodate them.
What are the exceptions you make to rules? What does that mean for the rule?
As well as reviewing rules, how often do you update or change the rules you live by?
One rule to rule them all
All these reflections on rules feels like a lot, and yes reflection and refinement is valuable. Rules no doubt help us navigate a complex world but given how complex things can be it could require an overwhelmingly large number of rules that would be impossible to keep track of or to act in accordance with.
With that in mind, what would the simplest approach be for rules?
What if you had to live by only 3 rules, what would they be?
What if it really came down to 1 rule?
In Joseph Campbell interview with Bill Moyers mentioned earlier, Campbell went on to say:
JOSEPH CAMPBELL ‘And one way…and I always tell my students, follow your bliss.’
BILL MOYERS: Follow your bliss?
JOSEPH CAMPBELL: Your bliss, where the deep sense of being in form and going where your body and soul want to go, when you have that feeling, then stay with it and don’t let anyone throw you off.
What if that one rule was to follow what matters most to us?
What are the rules that would enable you to follow your bliss?
What would be possible if we lived by rules that enabled us to follow and bring what really matters to us each day?
References
Bill Moyers and Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth Episode 4: ‘Sacrifice and Bliss’, https://billmoyers.com/content/ep-4-joseph-campbell-and-the-power-of-myth-sacrifice-and-bliss-audio/
