What does our language say about how we see things?
‘How are you?’
‘Busy but not bad.’
‘How are you?’
‘You know, all good. Still grinding away.’
‘I get that, there never seems to be enough hours in the day.’
Looking at that interaction, what may it suggest about the two speakers’ outlooks?
How may those words impact how they approach or see things?
What do their words suggest is important to them?
What might be the thoughts behind these words?
While alone the words we use may not seem like much, what are the patterns and ways of seeing the world that we perpetuate each time we speak them?
How do our day-to-day words shape how we see things?
Self-talk, affirmations and mantras are methods in performance psychology to help people quieten anxiety and navigate stress: words to better handle difficult thoughts, feelings or high stakes situations. Whether it be motivational like: ‘I am good enough’, ‘I have prepared as best I can’, ‘I cannot control x’, or instructional, like ‘Stop, drop and roll’ if we are on fire, this self-talk is trying to create thought patterns that best serve us in important or high stakes situations.
If we consider that self-talk is a conscious effort to equip us to be how we want to be in a situation, what about all the words we take for granted, how are they training and embedding our outlook on the world? And how is that outlook serving us?
If we take the seemingly innocuous interaction above, what could the effect of saying ‘I am not bad’ have compared to ‘I am well’ or ‘ I am good’, which would be another way of saying the same thing?
In the description of being ‘busy’ that could be true, but how often is ‘busy’ our default response? And if we are always saying we are ‘busy’ what does that mean for how we are?
What shapes our words? How do we say what we say and why?
This interaction isn’t to disregard the times that we may be saying things as they are, nor is it to say that the interaction is a pack of lies, it could all be true and an apt reflection of the speakers’ feelings but nonetheless what is the impact on us of how we say it?
And what is the impact of our surroundings on how we say it?
What are the words you hear from people you see regularly and how do they shape your words?
Watch your words, they become your destiny
The quote ascribed to the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu famously says:
Watch your thoughts, they become your words;
Watch your words, they become your actions;
Watch your actions, they become your habits;
Watch your habits, they become your character;
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.
In this several hundred year old quote we see the possible impact of words and what the thoughts are behind the words.
If we worked the quote backwards we could start by asking what do you want (destiny) and who do you want to be (character)?
Knowing those things, what habits and actions would you be doing?
With those actions and habits what are the words that underpin them (internal and external).
Then comes the thoughts.
What are the thoughts that support the words that shape the actions that build the habits that make us who we are and want to be?
The tricky bit, or at least the easy challenge to this, is can we really control our thoughts?
Which is where the watching comes in.
Self-talk and neuroscience around neuroplasticity, which suggests we can change our neural pathways, which in turn change are responses (including thoughts) to things, all suggests we can influence our thoughts over time, but it begins with conscious effort.
So what do you need to watch your thoughts?
What are the words and thoughts that will best serve you in being who you want to be?
Who and what environments will help nurture these words and thoughts?
What are the thoughts and words you would have and say if you are always living according to your values or what is most important to you?
What if the words we all said fully reflected who we want to be and how we want to see the world?
Who would we be more of?
What would be possible then?
