What if how we respond is down to what we see? And practices to respond how we want in any moment, courtesy of a fork.

I have a fork at home that is the runt of the cutlery drawer; its tines are blunt, its handle bends at the slightest pressure and it is too small to shovel anything near a meaningful mouthful. 

But when it comes to beating eggs it is the best in class. 

I have a limited number of forks and so having one that I can sacrifice to egg beating to spare a far more superior fork for feeding is a privilege. 

And so these other forks well suited to feeding with their firm handles and sharp prongs are the worst forks for beating eggs. 

Which got me thinking: what if how we see something shapes how we respond to it? 

And how, in reframing how I see a fork, am I also practising reframing and responding in ways I would prefer to reframe and respond in far higher stakes situations. 

Small practices to respond how we want in big moments

This blog has explored the impact of how we respond in the moment as being one of the best ways to focus on living and leading in a way that fits with what matters most to us. 

While we can almost never control the outcome of something we can control how we respond and we can control how much we practice responding. 

So what are all the opportunities, big or small, to reframe something in better alignment to how you want to be in the world? 

It may sound like a disproportionate question to ask ‘how can I see this fork according to my values, in this case, love, courage and generosity?’ 

However, in those small moments we are practising responding in a way we want to respond in a safe environment, allowing us to train ourselves for the moments where we most want to respond. It reminds me of a time I was working with someone to lead more confidently at work and as they progressed the first area they saw a change was in their confidence leading outside of work. 

This blog has also explored Dan Chambliss’ idea of the mundanity of excellence, how a few, small decisions or changes, done consistently can be the difference between good and great. 

In essence, we could know everything about what it is to live a rich and fulfilling life, but if we never practice that it is highly unlikely we ever will live a rich and fulfilling life (unless the unlikely event is true that a rich and fulfilling life is achieved simply by knowing what is required to live it). 

How we see something is how we see all things

Not only was the fork example an opportunity for me to practice responding in the moment, it was an insight into how, in a fairly neutral state, I have learnt to see things not always through a positive lens. 

Initially I had dismissed the fork rather than valued it for the strengths it has or to have seen the opportunities it offered rather than its limitations. 

Which offers another practice: ‘how else can I see something in this moment?’ 

How would I see it if I saw it through the lens of my values or what matters to me?

Which could be as simple as what matters is time and connection with those that matter most to me and so in that frame this fork is perfectly functional for the forkly functions it has been made to do, it need be nothing more and nothing less, so thank you fork. 

Getting to the point (other than a heading with a fork pun)

What are the smallest ways we can practice responding how we want to respond and living by our values and what matters every day? 

Because those small things add up to a practice that becomes unconscious and which we can draw on with less effort and energy in the much bigger moments where we most want to act in accordance with what really matters to us and who we want to be. 

What would it look like to practice seeing things through the lens of what matters more? 

What small practice would help you live more in alignment with what matters to you and who you want to be? 

What would it be like to regularly ask yourself: ‘if I was being everything I most want to be in this moment, what would I be seeing/ saying/ doing?’

What do you need to practice responding more how you most want to respond? 

What world would we create if we are all more aligned to our values even just in the smallest of moments?