What is the impact of forcing something and what may be a way of doing it without forcing?
Late in my very short trombone playing career, on the eve of a music exam, I was in a lesson struggling to hit the three high notes that had made the piece my nemesis for the past few months. Each lesson and practice culminated in me feeling hot, sweaty and exhausted and only sometimes did I hit those notes. All this for three notes. On the eve of the exam, at a workshop with a visiting music teacher, again failing to hit the high notes, they offered me one piece of advice: breathe. More breath meant more air to hit the high notes. It also meant less straining and less forcing.
More recently I’ve noticed the difference between the times I have tried to force something to happen, often by forcing myself to do it in the moment compared to the times I do it when I feel ready and it feels right to do it. More often than not it gets done without the forcing.
The impact of forcing it is easier to see in others than ourselves. Whenever I think of forcing it, I recall athletes or sports teams, sometimes on top but unable to capitalise on this advantage, or in attempting to come back from behind trying too hard and forcing the play which sometimes even results in the other team scoring.
What are the areas we are forcing things or force ourselves to do?
What is the impact of forcing it?
What does it cost us to always be doing things by force?
What would it be like if it was not forced?
All this assumes that forcing things is a negative. While this may not be completely self-evident considering the trombone example and my own experiences, while forcing does get things done, it often comes at a cost. For me I finish the forced thing feeling depleted. Thus, in forcing something what do we lose the capacity for doing? And what is the impact of building a forcing habit? What else do we force?
Beyond the possible toll of forcing, is the potential we are denying ourselves access to when we are forcing. In the Inner Game of Tennis, Tim Gallwey, talks about the 2 selves we have. Self 1, the overthinking, judging teller and Self 2, the more natural, unconscious mind and body connection. For Gallwey, Self 1 controls and limits, it forces and can cause us to tense up, while Self 2 is the intuitive, non-judgemental learner. Almost always Self 2 outperforms Self 1, learning and adapting seamlessly in the moment.
For Gallwey his advice when coaching tennis players and then coaching beyond tennis was to access Self 2 by letting it happen and if we don’t know letting it learn.
In short, when forcing we’re denying ourselves access to the parts of us that will most likely do well and learn in the moment.
While we’re thinking about forcing something that is already happening, the tension that often arises, at least in my mind, is if I do not force this, will it happen?
Which is to say that what if we need forcing to get something started?
If I do not go for a run now will I go later?
If I don’t do this difficult work thing, core, or new thing now, will I ever do it?
What are the things we fear we won't do without forcing them to happen?
What makes these things happening important?
What do we need instead of force to create the best chances of them happening?
What would letting them happen look like?
Returning to the trombone example the breathing advice offered literal and metaphorical suggestions for what we may need to not force things.
First, it was technical knowledge: it is easier to hit high notes with more air. What do we need to know that will make the thing easier to do with less force?
Second, space. Breathing forces a pause and a slowing down, what is the space we need to do this thing without forcing?
Third, is resource, more breath means more resource to go about the task. What resources do we need to do this with less force?
In rugby matches you can often see a team who has just conceded in a huddle taking a deep collective exhale under the posts. Here is a process to slow down and to try and avoid forcing.
What may be a process for you to avoid forcing things?
In some ways it comes down to trust. To let it happen we have to trust we will do it, to build that trust we have to do it, but by forcing we will trust forcing and not letting it happen. Hence the considerations for what we need to let it happen.
What are you currently forcing that you would love let happen?
What do you need to let it happen?
What would be the impact of less force and more allowing?
What would the world be like if we all forced less, allowed more and trusted our intuition to do the thing in the right moment?
References
Tim Gallwey, The Inner Game of Tennis (2015)
