In life, who is in the driving seat, us or our expectations?

How often do we spend life talking in ‘should’s, ‘I ought to’s and reflections like ‘it was good but not quite what I hoped’? 

How often do we feel the chasm between what is going on and how we hoped or wanted or needed it to be? 

And how do we respond to that chasm or those ‘should’s and ‘ought to’s? 

All these phrases allude to our expectations. 

A web of expectations of us and expectations of how things should be and expectations of both us and how things should be and how we should be because of how things should be.

For example, in writing about expectations, the very live expectation that ‘this blog needs to have a clever meta-narrative about it living up to my expectations as I write it…’

Expectations beg the question, what is our relationship to these expectations? 

In the car that is our life, who is driving, us or our expectations?

What do we expect from expectations? 

Expectations, or beliefs that something will be the case or go a certain way, are inevitable. 

We act with the expectation of an outcome. 

In hoping or wanting something we are also expecting. 

But how aware are we of those expectations? 

Do we actively create them and how do we react to them? 

Do these expectations serve us?

It seems that whether an expectation serves us or not depends on where it comes from, what it is about and how we respond to it.

An expectation that frames an intentional action, such as I expect to be fitter if I run regularly, helps us define actions to live in ways we want and to achieve what we want. 

But expectations are also fixed. They are depictions of a future that have been created in the past. 

So while they may serve us to plan and act, they are static and alone cannot help us navigate the ever changing, fluid present. 

Which suggests the value of an expectation depends on how realistic it is, what type of expectation it is and how we relate to the expectations we create in the past in the present. 

Expectations of us, expectations of others and expectations of things

It seems that most expectations are expectations of us, of others, of things or a mixture of all of them. 

Most likely our language will highlight which type of expectation it is: expectations of us most likely sound like ‘I should’, expectations of others like ‘they should’, expectations of things ‘it should’.

And when they’re mixed it is a case of pinpointing which expectation is about what. 

In being aware of expectations we can then choose how to respond to them, and so how we relate to them. 

Reacting and responding to expectations

At the heart of expectations are beliefs, beliefs about us, beliefs about how we should be, beliefs about the world. 

And if we knew what was behind the expectation, how might we choose to respond? 

As with all beliefs sometimes these are useful and serve us but sometimes they don’t and sometimes they are out of date with the present. 

Going back to the driving analogy, when we are being nudged by expectations, who is in the driver’s seat? Expectation or us? What do we do? 

If things aren’t meeting expectations do we try and force them to fit or do we adapt? 

Are we reacting or responding?

What would help us notice our expectations, to pause and to act in accordance with what you know to be the case in the present and with what feels right for you?

What would help us listen to our expectations and to respond rather than follow their instruction?

What would it be like if we all lived life in the driving seat, rather than being driven by expectations of us? 

What does are relationship to our expectations say about our relationship to us?

What if our expectations are a window onto our relationship to us and the world? 

Perhaps the most valuable aspect of our expectations is the insight they offer about our relationship to ourselves. How do we treat ourselves based on what we expect?

How does that compare to how we may treat others or wish to treat others?

If we related to ourselves with everything we wished for our best friend (kindness, generosity, love, and worthiness) what would our expectations be and how would we relate to them?

And what would our relationship to ourselves be if our expectations were founded upon kindness, generosity, love, worthiness and constantly being updated for the ever changing present? 

What would it be to live in an understanding, curious, loving dialogue with our expectations from moment to moment?