What are the words behind our words and what is their impact on how we live and lead in the world?

Where would we be without words? 

They help us communicate our experiences and make sense of them for ourselves and others. Words shape our world and the world. It is no wonder the saying attributed to Lao Tzu, ‘Watch your thoughts…’ which connects thoughts to words to action to character to destiny, is still popular today. 

If words are containers for experiences, like paper chains, connected together to create our reality, what do the words we use say? What comprises the paper that makes the links?

While, a lot is said about what is conveyed non-verbally, what about the words behind the words? 

How clear are we about the words behind our words?

How clear are we about the impact of those behind-words (my newly invented word) on us and on others?  

‘What will stretch you?’

A simple question (so I thought) that myself and my co-lead ask of team members for training courses we facilitate. 

Fast forward 6 weeks and a team member is reflecting that for them this question was an invitation to try new things and to do more.

The behind-words (how many times does a new word need to be used before it becomes official?) for them of ‘what will stretch you?’ was an invitation to go further. 

We can see the impact of behind-words (third times a charm?) in how meditation practices frame the words we use around feelings. Meditation practises talk about the difference between ‘I am x feeling’ and ‘I feel x’ or even ‘I notice x feeling’. Here the behind-words suggest subtle differences, the first identifies with the feeling, we are subject to it, the second brings some distance, the third observation even more distance, from which we can choose how to relate to that feeling. We have written before about the subject-object move. What if the words we use can impact how easy it is to make the subject-object move?

While tone, pitch, non-verbal aspects will shape the meaning, what are the behind-words we want to convey in our words? 

What is the impact of our behind-words on us? 

How do these behind-words influence ours and others’ worlds as much as the explicit words? (Perhaps implicit-words, or just implicit, may have worked better than behind-words, unless of course the use of behind-words is a behind-word for saying ‘playfulness and creativity are welcome’).

One intrpretation of all of this is: why can’t we all just be more explicit? 

While that would no doubt be useful, even in being explicit there is always a subtext in the words we use. That, for me, was what stood out in hearing the impact of the question (‘what will stretch you?’) that felt explicit.

Really it comes down to intention, what are the intentions of our words, for these are often our behind-words, even if we don’t know them. 

What do we need to notice our behind-words?

What world do you want to create and inhabit?

What are the words that create that world? 

What will their impact be? 

What are the behind-words (the words unspoken but conveyed) in those world-creating words? 

If we had to pick three behind-words to infuse all our words with, what would they be?

What will their impact be? 

What would you say now or differently to better create the world you want to inhabit? 

What world could we all create if the words behind our words were laced with the intention of the world we want to create?