What does our reaction to day-to-day setbacks show us about how we live and lead? How well does it equip us to navigate the bigger changes we face in life?

This week I decided not to run a half marathon. While the decision was down to injury it was not one of those injuries that makes it certain you cannot do something. Instead it was one of those injuries that means you have to decide what to do: Do I risk making it worse by doing it or continuing to try and train for it, or do I make the decision that it would be better for me, long-term, to not risk the injury? 

Objectively it was an easy decision: in the context of my life and the potential impact of a worsened injury not running makes sense. 

Subjectively it felt much harder: surely I can push through? Doing it will be worth the consequences? I can adapt? I’ve been preparing for this for so long maybe I can just still do it. 

The hardest part of the decision was confronting my own self-perception, in this case self-criticism. Thoughts like: ‘this is a cop out, it isn’t really that bad’ and ‘I’m not good enough if I don’t push through.’ 

More confronting was noticing how that thought pattern has been my default reaction to setbacks - to push through, almost in ignorance of the setback, like nothing is different, like pushing against a rising, often, very strong, tide. 

Only now can I see how it has limited innovation at work that would likely have helped keep things ahead of a curve or saved more work and effort in the future. It has meant pushing myself at the expense of rest and enjoyment, whether that be maintaining social plans when I really don’t have the energy (also to the detriment of the people I am with) or exercising through injury or exercising too soon after injury. 

What it shows is that we all have a default reaction to setbacks, big and small (we may not even recognise them as setbacks, especially if our response is to push through). 

Often that reaction is an unconscious one, learnt but not necessarily fixed (a pattern we have embedded but may no longer serve us).

We have it because it has served, and still does serve, us in some way (otherwise we wouldn’t do it). However, most likely all things that serve us also cost us something. 

Reflecting on your reaction to setbacks, what does it look like? 

What is the impact of that reaction on you and others? 

In the context of our own lives that reaction can be significant, in the context of spaces we have influence or lead it can set a tone and culture. 

How does our reaction compare to how we want to respond? 

What has that reaction served and what has it cost?

In my case it has served a need for safety and a sense of control in an ever changing environment. It has made it easier than confronting the sometimes uncomfortable reality that I need to adapt, which is also the cost: you can only swim against the tide for so long until you get swept away, less resourced than you could have been. 

In a world of increasing complexity and change with growing uncertainty and faster technological advances and implementation, what if what is most important is practising responding to change in a way that feels skillful and sustainable? 

What if part of that practice is done in learning to respond to day-to-day setbacks in a way that feels more skilful?

What would help you first notice those setbacks? 

Perhaps the word ‘setback’ itself becomes unhelpful for really it is about noticing approaching changes. If so, what helps you remain open to these changes? 

For me, the forcing is often a reaction because it requires less space and effort to be observant and to consider change.

What are the conditions you need to respond to change in the way you want? 

Perhaps really it comes back to the quote from Ruth Rochelle which we have referenced before: adapting isn’t about changing but collaborating with what is? 

What does collaboration look like for you? Where does it feel hardest to collaborate with change? What would support you to collaborate? What would it look like? 

In the face of accelerating change, what would it be like if we all felt more equipped to skillfully, consciously respond to change rather than relying on a default reaction developed at a different time for a different context?