What if we may never get there? Finding certainty in the uncertain

It can be easy to believe the answer is the outcome. From thoughts like ‘I can relax when this is all sorted’ to ‘when I’ve just reached this milestone I can enjoy it’.

What if we knew we may never get there?

In fact, there will always be something we are aiming for that we won’t reach.

This seems to beg the question, ‘then what?’ 

And the answer to that seems to have two routes.

If we know we may never get there, what on Earth is the point?

Or, if we know we may never get there, what really matters? 

This blog has often referred to the work of Viktor Frankl, who emphasised that we can always control how we respond to something.

These questions are another case in point. Would you prefer to respond with what on Earth is the point or to focus on what matters?

What if letting go of the outcome is at the heart of being good enough?

If we consider the delayed gratification approach, that is ‘I can enjoy this when I have achieved x’ or ‘it will all be better when y is the case’ we are holding on to an uncertain future as something better than the present moment.

What is it that these futures give us or mean that allows us to have what we can’t have now? Or what are these futures preventing us from having now?

What if we will never get there, because of this ‘delayed gratification’ approach? 

What if our approach means when we do get there we will already be already focused on the next thing. A little like thinking about dinner as we eat lunch. 

In some ways this approach says ‘until I get there I am not good enough to consider x, y, or z’. 

If so what is available in the present that we miss out on as a result? What may we miss out on with this approach?

What is the current moment missing that the future promises? 

What would bring more of what the future promises to the present moment? 

And what gets in the way of us allowing us more of what we want in the future now?

This is not to negate that we can want things in the future, which may be the product of work over time, nor the fact that the present can be difficult in a way we don’t want it to be. It is just to consider how we can live what we want more now, given that the future we are aiming for is never guaranteed nor a linear outcome. So in fact, perhaps the best predictor is living more of it now. 

What is it to live more of what I want now?

But what if I want a specific outcome, say a promotion or to win a competition? 

What about the outcomes we have no control over? 

What is the feeling or experience that underpins those things? What is it we believe we will have when we have these outcomes? 

How can I bring that essence into my everyday? 

For example, if we want the joy that comes with the outcome we’re aiming for, what is the joyful approach to the outcome? In that way regardless of the tangible outcome, joy, in some way is surely always an outcome. 

What would I be thinking, what would I be doing, and how? 

What is the cost of focusing on what we can’t control?

Really we can never know if we will get there because we can’t control nearly enough to guarantee an outcome. 

So what gets in the way of letting go of all the things we cannot control? 

What makes us hold on to all the things we cannot do anything about? 

What would it be like to simply focus on the few things we can control with the attention and effort we expend often to force all the things we cannot control?

In knowing we may never get there what fears do we have to face?

In knowing we may never get there what realities do we embrace?

What will help to accept and face these fears and realities? 

In facing those fears, in embracing those realities, what feels possible, right now? 

And if we all knew we may never get there, what would be different? 

If we knew we may never get there, what really matters?